Lost selves, lost children, lost loves, lost opportunities, lost friends, lost time. Shit, I may have even shed a tear or two for that one pair of Jordache that fit me just perfectly in high school. Things got a little confusing for a moment there and it was hard to tell.
I don't do this often enough - especially considering the amount of loss one experiences while living a life - because I like to focus on the bright and sparkly shards that we collect from all these broken bits.
I have a cold glass of water on this scorchingly hot day, my old and faithful dog* is hogging the fan, while I mourn the forgotten, flung away, slipped-out-of-my-hands things which litter my path through this world.
I realize that if I could go back, I would still let most of them go because they weren't meant for me, but it's still heart-wrenchingly sad.
And then there are those things, few and far between, for which you would do anything to retrieve. These wound deeper still because they can't be bargained for or bought at any price. My sister is one of those and my grieving for her will never end or diminish. In fact, it grows deeper and more desperate with time.
To be human is to give up, par down, and toss aside. I can accept that for that most part, but I'm fighting for one of those sweet, precious things right now and losing this battle is not something I can abide so I'll allow myself these tears tonight and then I will do everything in my power to keep her safe. And I will pray that the universe is gracious and kind.
The artwork in this post was created by the wildly talented Mars and Pony. Visit their website or FB page and show them some love.
You can find me here.
*I haven't lost him yet, thank goodness, but the time draws closer each day which is why he can have all the cool air he can get