Monday, November 22, 2010

I have something to say.

Since the beginning of this blog, I've had a nagging feeling that something wasn't quite right with it.  Just about 60 seconds ago, I realized that it's because I feel that I should have a clearly defined topic in order for this blog to be valid and interesting to other people.  (Try not to notice that I only have one follower as I write this. One is enough.)  For instance, blogging would make sense if I snapped pics of bridges in all fifty states.  Or if I were obsessed with fashion, dogs, or ammunition. Any obsession would be fine, as long as it were a cohesive starting place.  As long as it allowed me to come up with a catchy blog title, and provided me with a purposeful goal about which to write.

Well, this is not working for me.  For one thing, I have a multitude of obsessions and interests, and they are prone to change on a regular basis.  I'm just like that.  It has taken me a long time to get where I'm at (41 years to be exact), and I'm still working out the fine details, but one thing I'm finally okay with is that this is me, and I'm just fine this way.  (An aside:  Thanks, Don for that whole unconditional love thing.  It f'ing rocks.)  

These are true facts:   I have been in several bar room fights - brawls, you might accurately term them, and I ain't too shabby.  My sister took her own life and it almost killed me.  I love busy, urban streets.  I am a great mother.  I love people until they scream, and then just a tad bit more for good measure.  I was married to a mechanic who later became a drug dealer, and sadly ended up an addicted, sad, lost and lonely man. Sometimes, he still sends me texts. I was also married to a plumber, but luckily I now live with my one true love in a warm & cozy house.  I write, paint, and read.  I think graffiti kicks ass. In my previous life, I was religious.  Sometimes, the praying actually worked, but it still didn't convince me that god actually exists.  My mother is dysfunctional to the point of psychosis.  This has been true my entire life, but I just noticed it last year.  Sometimes, I'm a little slow.  I have been a house wife, a  secretary, a roofer, and briefly a clown. And dozens of other things in between. I am now a chemist.  And a student.

The important thing is, I have something to say.   Most days, I'm bursting with good intentions, future plans, energy, and love. There are other days on which I can't remember how I got to this place.  Every once in a while, I feel disoriented and I wonder how long it will take until someone notices that I'm an impostor in my own life, and it is scary as hell.  So, all of this and more will be recorded here, and you have my humble apologies when things get wacky, or I don't stick to the topic.  It's just how I roll.  :~)